Friday,November 25th, 2005
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If I was a turkey, my favorite day would probably be my birthday. My least favorite day would probably be Thanksgiving, because seriously, Thanksgiving is pretty much like the Holocaust of the Turkey world. So pretty much it's the Holocaust except with Turkey's instead of Jews. The oven, however, remains constant. In other news, I am probably going to hell for that comment. But really, turkeys are pretty much fucked because pretty much all they're good for is being fuckin tasty. Hell, even when they're screaming out in fuckin agony as you're chopping their heads off they're saying "gobble gobble." They might as well be screaming "Eat me, motherfucker. Eat me," but that'd be kind of sick because I'd never eat something so desperate to be eaten. Unless, of course, it was like a Tiramisu cake or something, but I've never seen a Tiramisu cake with a mouth so I don't think I'll have to worry about it talking to me any time soon. And what's worse is that it doesn't end with just turkey genocide. After you cut the turkey's face off, you proceed by shoving tons of bread shit into its ass. Now homosexuals aside, nobody enjoys getting shit pushed into their assholes, but not even homosexuals like getting bread shoved into their assholes. But I guess it doesn't even matter for the turkey seeing as it's got no face anymore. Which isn't a sad loss either because turkeys look like chickens with acne problems. And as if it weren't bad enough, their chins look like scrotums. And seeing as scrotums are only good for holding the testes, having an empty scrotum on your chin is kind of like having an empty scrotum under your penis: absolutely pointless. So the moral of the story is, Thanksgiving shouldn't be about drinking, eating, and being merry. The true meaning of Thanksgiving is that it is a day to give thanks to the Lord for all of our blessings. And every Thanksgiving day, you should be thankful that you're not a turkey, because the things they do to a turkey carcass on Thanksgiving day would be passed off for necrophilia or bestiality on any other creature. |
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