The democratic process. The very process that crowned George Bush Jr. the lord of the apes, perched high atop a throne of mis-punched butterfly ballots, gently scratching his simian buttocks with the very finger he used to march a million babies to war. It is said that an infinite number of apes could inevitably type out the entirety of Macbeth. The IGF Judging Committee came up with something just as inane with just 150.
Derek Yu. The mere utterance of his name conjures up images of the American pioneers; the first dog sent to space. The father of modern indie gaming. His career a figurative rocketship cast off into the heavens of indie stardom. Ah, yes, but as with a rocketship who’s exhausted its fuel, the slight curvature of the brow of Derek Yu suggests he has now made the stark realization of a force much greater than even his own. A force called Ironic Gravitation — a force recognized by a Sir Isaac Newton falling into a basket of apples. Derek Yu. Facing, as the French would say, his dénouement. Hurling towards abject failure (a thing the French are oft cited for as well).
Before a drug is properly introduced into the public for mass consumption and abuse, it must be certified by the FDA. Its dosages scientifically calculated so as to ensure lucrativity in a world of recreational drug use. This is why Crest White Strips are not natively sold in England because they contain too high a concentration of peroxide. This is why LSD is not natively sold in America, because it gives too much power to the seedy underclass oft associated with the distribution of this otherwise innocuous drug. Let it be said, however, that these restrictions are not arbitrary; these restrictions are so placed in consideration for the benefit and safety of all mankind.
The leaked beta of Spelunky is pre-FDA Derek Yu. Pure, unfiltered Derek Yu — unfiltered in the sense that NIGSource is “Independent Gaming News. Unfiltered.” as in, it is filtered only through the Derek Yu’s mind, the filtrous (Real word? It should be) opposite of an ordinary filter — letting through only large particles and holding back the small ones (The particles being a metaphor for indie games, as are most things in life). Spelunky contains a deadly concentration of Derek Yu, unfit for public consumption, or at least, human consumption.
Therein lies an unfettered look into the madness that is Derek Yu’s mind — a mind wrought with Cave Story ‘references’ (note the ‘quotes’ [heh, I paralyze myself with my own wit]), which, when scrutinized under the microscope of journalistic integrity, seems a little bit ironic. Ironic Gravitation.
The following is as objective a description of Spelunky’s gameplay. (more…)